(This blog post was originally written by Ms. KD Heart and published on May 10, 2012.)
Hey Ya’ll!!!
So six LONG years I worked for a popular retail chain. I don’t want to put them on blast but I’m sure you’ve been there. They are known for their bed (room), bath (room) and other products that go beyond your imagination. And if you haven’t figured it out by now then you are most likely one of the Dense and Confused people that I would encounter on a daily basis at my job. Six months ago I quit my retail hell job to take a better job, but yesterday I ran into an a friend from (my former) work and she told me how she quit and so did another one of our friends. And this got me to thinking about those darker days of working in retail hell.
Just a typical day at work
(Customer approaches return counter at a popular retail store)
Me: Yes ma’am, how can I help you?
Dense and Confused: Ummm…..Hi. Uhh…..ya’ll have this toaster (waves hand in general direction of left side of store even though she just threw the toaster up on the counter) in your store that I saw when I came in this morning but I didn’t have time to shop because my kids had practice for the musical. You know my middle kid not the two older ones in college. So then I uhhh… went to Wal-Mart and they had it cheaper and they had some other toasters too. They even had one that heats the butter….or maybe that was a popcorn machine. Umm and then I came back here after I picked up my dry cleaning.
Me: (trying to catch key words but she lost me at musical) Ok? Would you like to return this toaster? (I already knew what she wanted at “cheaper” but again she lost me at musical)
Dense and Confused: Umm….yeah….so I wanted to get it for the Wal-Mart price because they have it for cheaper.
Me: No problem. Let me just go on-line and verify that it is the exact make and model and we’ll go from there
(Time elapse for about 5 minutes while I search on-line on our old school ancient model IBM computers that I swear runs on dial up)
Me: Alright I found it and it is the same make and model. I can ring you right here if you would like.
Dense and Confused: Oh….ummm….ok.
(I start the process of doing a price match and ringing up her purchase)
Dense and Confused: So do I get the Wal-Mart Price?? Because it’s cheaper there?
Dense and Confused: Did you make sure to do the Wal-Mart Price?
Dense and Confused: Do you take checks? Like corporate checks? Because uhh you know own my own business and I don’t carry personal checks.
Me: (strike 1) Yes ma’am….yes….and yes we accept checks.
Dense and Confused: Ok good because I only have my debit card so it comes straight out of my checking account.
Me: (sideways glance)
Me: Your total is $37.00
Dense and Confused: Ok…do you have pen? Where do I swipe my debit card? Wait…..$37.00……but Wal-Mart’s is cheaper.
Me: (strongly fighting the urge to roll eyes and walk away) Yes ma’am. Our price is $39.99 and Wal-Mart’s price is $34.00 so with tax that’s $37.00.
Dense and Confused: (leans over counter and stares at computer screen for a good five minutes)
Dense and Confused: (pulls out calculator from purse and double checks because the computer lies) What’s the tax rate here? (nervous laugh) Oh it’s right here on the screen.
Me: (strike 2) (please back the hell up out my personal space. Thanks in advanced!)
Dense and Confused: ummm…..ok…..you take checks right?
Me: Yes ma’am (I have given up trying to figure out why she’s asking if we accept checks)
Dense and Confused: Ok great…are you ready for me to swipe my debit card.
Me: Yes ma’am just swipe your card and enter your pin number
Dense and Confused: (begins to push buttons on keypad) Ummm….I don’t understand…. I entered my pin number twice but it’s not showing up for me to sign. How do I run this as credit?
Me: (strike 3) (Why the hell are you putting in your PIN NUMBER if you want to run it as CREDIT!!!!) (But alas I stay and my voice is dripping with sugar) Ma’am, press Cancel then select Credit. The receipt will print for you to sign.
(I bag toaster and place the credit receipt and purchase receipt on the counter)
(Dense and Confused signs the purchase receipt and takes MY pen and the credit receipt)
Me: Ma’am if you could sign the credit slip (yes, trick the one in your purse) and this is your copy to keep.
(Customer signs the correct on while looking annoyed)
Dense and Confused: (checks receipt total again with her trusty cell phone calculator) Hmmm….ummm….so the price difference was only $5.00?
Me: (blank stare…again. Now I’m starting to get confused)
Dense and Confused: (Puts receipt and cell phone in purse and gets out car keys) What time is it because I have to get the school to pick up my kid. Wait? Did I get a receipt?
Me: Next in line!!!
Well, there you have it folks, that was just a typical day at work in the retail world. It was mostly fun when you are with coworkers that you can relate too but sometimes I encounter the Dense and Confused who come through and fuck up my whole mood. Sometimes I wonder if things were this…interesting….for other people in retail or is just me? Whether at the job or in life nave you encountered the subculture of the Dense and Confused; people who are just generally confused and then seem to become even more confused when they see that you’re not confused? Leave a comment sharing your stories of encounters with the Dense and Confused.
Until next time ya'll...stay blessed!!
~Ms. KD♥
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